What Scientology Vidoes Are Really Like

by Luke Muehlhauser on January 22, 2010 in Scientology,Video

The below two-part video epitomizes what Scientology videos are like: well-produced, hyperbolic, triumphant, with bombastic music and outrageously epic imagery & language:

When I watch these videos with a crowd of 100 or 5000 Scientologists, they clap and cheer loudly at every “big moment’ in the video. It’s amazing. Nobody thinks these videos are cheesy. And apparently nobody wants to fact-check them.

This year there was a multi-hour video played at Scientology hubs all over the world for the 25th anniversary of the International Association of Scientologists. I really hope someone posts a copy of that so we can fact check it. It made dozens of highly dubious claims about the scale of Scientology operations and their contributions to “planetary clearing.”

I would love to have the competent researchers of FactCheck.org fact-check this video or the 25th anniversary one. But they only fact-check political videos.

By the way, Scientology really does have all that amazing real-estate. The leaders of Scientology are apparently bajillionaires.

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Haukur January 22, 2010 at 6:39 am

Awesome! Love the green serpentine graphics the suppressives get.

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Bill Maher January 22, 2010 at 6:48 am

Scientology kills. Join Project Chanology.

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John D January 22, 2010 at 6:55 am

Hi-larious!

The thought of a multi-hour video is, however, bone-chilling. I can just imagine sitting there, noticing some thick, porridge-like substance oozing out of my ears. Finally, it dawns on me: my brain has turned to mush.

Why exactly do you go to these things?

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Reginald Selkirk January 22, 2010 at 7:23 am

what Scientology videos are like: well-produced, hyperbolic, triumphant, with bombastic music and outrageously epic imagery & language

Did Battlefield Earth have music? I admit I didn’t watch it.

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lukeprog January 22, 2010 at 7:55 am

I’ve only been to two of them.

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Eneasz January 22, 2010 at 8:16 am

Huh. Flashback to my childhood. Jehovah’s Witness literature was basically the same thing.

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foolfodder January 22, 2010 at 11:38 am

Halp!!! I think I’ve been brain-washed. I zoned out completely, twice (seriously). What do I do?!!

Also, this video is the sort of thing I’d imagine that North Korea would produce.

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Reginald Selkirk January 22, 2010 at 12:09 pm

Halp!!! I think I’ve been brain-washed. I zoned out completely, twice (seriously). What do I do?!!

For now, there is no need to do anything but resume your normal life, and to practice the phrase “Raymond Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.” When you are needed, your controller will contact you with the secret activation signal.

(In case anyone is not in on the joke: The Manchurian candidate, 1962. Highly recommended.)

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Jeff H January 22, 2010 at 3:36 pm

My God, it’s like a plea for support from a Christian missions organization, mixed with a Soviet propaganda film…on steroids. Halfway through I was like, “So where’s the part where they ask for money?” Turns out I was just a couple minutes too early, that’s all…lol.

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Beelzebub January 23, 2010 at 2:02 am

Scary crazy. I wonder if when Christians watch things like this, do little light bulbs go on over their heads? At all?

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Hermes January 23, 2010 at 7:16 am

Re: “Battlefield Earth”. It was almost as monotonous as Dyanetics, but was 2-3x as long. On finishing it, I could summarize each book in a few pages. In the case of Dyanetics, nothing important would be lost. Neither books were impressive to me even before I learned that the writer was a scamming cult leader.

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Sloobis January 23, 2010 at 1:18 pm

lukeprog: I’ve only been to two of them.  

You kind of dodged the question there, Luke. If you don’t want to tell us, then say so…

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Hermes January 23, 2010 at 1:34 pm

I knew someone who loved to go in and get ‘audited’. The catch? He’d make up random answers to the test they give. He said it was a hoot. A Scientology expedition might be in the same category as atheists who love to watch the 700 Club or collect Christian kitsch; morbid fascination. After all, who wouldn’t want this;

http://fernieville.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/jesus.jpg

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lukeprog January 23, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Sloobis,

Oh – why do I go to them? Curiosity.

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Gabriel January 23, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Watch that first video carefully, and see as the narrator reads the “pledge”.

“And to achieve the goals of Scientology.”

(Document Reads)
And to achieve the goals of Scientology as thought of by L. Ron Hubbard.

Interesting.

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Jeff H January 23, 2010 at 5:15 pm

Gabriel: Watch that first video carefully, and see as the narrator reads the “pledge”.“And to achieve the goals of Scientology.”(Document Reads)
And to achieve the goals of Scientology as thought of by L. Ron Hubbard.Interesting.  

Lol yeah I noticed that. I also noticed that when they’re signing their names on the document, it distinctly says “A.D. 34″. I have no idea why though…

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Sloobis January 23, 2010 at 6:22 pm

Luke,

I just remember you posting a while back something like a ‘secret about myself’ – which was that you take Scientology courses but wouldn’t say why (yes, I am an avid follower of your blog). It was just something that piqued my curiosity

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W January 23, 2010 at 9:24 pm

“By the way, Scientology really does have all that amazing real-estate. ”

I live in Clearwater, the Vatican of Scientology, & I can attest to this. They own all of downtown, the ‘church’ being built would make the pope blush. Many of the law enforcement get a special paycheck from them to make sure they can…do what they do.

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Simeon January 25, 2010 at 10:52 am

I, for one, welcome our new Thetan overlords.

You gotta love anybody who comes up with a slogan as banal as “Something can be done about it”.

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