18 Funniest Onion News Headlines About Religion

by Luke Muehlhauser on April 12, 2010 in Funny

The Onion, always brilliant.

  1. Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World
  2. Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian
  3. Kansas Outlaws Practice of Evolution
  4. Pope Forgives Molested Children
  5. God Answers Prayers Of Paralyzed Little Boy: ‘No’, says God
  6. Christian Charity Raising Money to Feed Non-Gay Famine Victims
  7. Weakling President Asks Imaginary Man In Sky To Bless Nation
  8. Christian Right Lobbies To Overturn Second Law Of Thermodynamics
  9. Family That Prays Together Suffers Through Long, Hellish Marriage Together
  10. Pope Vows to Get Church Pedophilia Down to Acceptable Levels
  11. God Cites ‘Moving In Mysterious Ways’ As Motive In Killing Of 3,000 Papua New Guineans
  12. God Angrily Clarifies ‘Don’t Kill’ Rule
  13. Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New ‘Intelligent Falling’ Theory
  14. Black Gospel Choir Makes Man Wish He Believed In All That God Bullshit
  15. Church Group Offers Homosexual New Life In Closet
  16. Street Evangelist Saves 300 Souls From Enjoying Park
  17. Christ Getting in Shape for Second Coming
  18. Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000 Year Old T-Rex Skeleton

Bonus at Faking News:

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

MC April 12, 2010 at 6:10 am

Add this one, too:

“Slight Inconsistency Found In Bible”



Justin April 12, 2010 at 6:10 am

Brilliant list; some I knew of, others I didn’t. : )


Mike AKA MonolithTMA April 12, 2010 at 6:14 am
Justfinethanks April 12, 2010 at 7:09 am

My favorite?

Kansas Outlaws Practice of Evolution.

“From now on, the streets, forests, plains, and rivers of Kansas will be safe from the godless practice of evolution, and species will be able to procreate without deviating from God’s intended design,” said Bob Bethell, a member of the state House of Representatives.

There’s also this gem:

Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000 year old T-Rex Skeleton


Scott April 12, 2010 at 9:47 am
Nathan April 12, 2010 at 2:02 pm

These are all great. Thanks for compiling this list. Hopefully, you’ll keep adding to it as they add more articles.


UNRR April 14, 2010 at 6:03 am

This post has been linked for the HOT5 Daily 4/14/2010, at The Unreligious Right


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