Earlier, I listed the Top 15 Christian Fundamentalist Quotes of This Week. Today, I list my top 15 quotes from that one-man show of fundamentalist nutjobbery, Kent Hovind! More specifically, I shall only be quoting from his “Ph.D. dissertation” (from an unaccredited institution, obviously).
1. The Opening Sentence
Hello, my name is Kent Hovind.
Right away, you know this is gonna be good.
2. That old trickster, Satan
In the twentieth century the major attack Satan has launched has been against the first eleven chapters of Genesis.
Holy crap, he believes in Satan? And he thinks Satan’s major attack of the 20th century was not the Holocaust or the AIDS pandemic but instead scholarly doubt about the literal truth of Genesis? Not even St. Augustine took Genesis literally.
3. You haven’t read anything by a real biologist, have you?
Chapter nine discusses the “best evidence” evolutionists have for evolution, that is, archaeopteryx.
4. Just when I thought you had hit rock bottom idiocy…
I believe that dinosaurs are not only in the Bible, but the have lived with man all through his six thousand year history.
5. For a few words, there, you almost sounded like a scientist.
While all of the evidence is not in yet, I feel it is still the best option to take God’s word at face value. The Bible has never been proven wrong yet, and I believe it never will be.
6. You haven’t read anything by a real biologist, have you? (the awful sequel)
The idea that evolutionists try to get across today is that there is continual upward progression. They claim that everything is getting better, improving, all by itself as if there is an inner-drive toward more perfection and order.
7. One of the greatest blows to humanity’s ego in history appeals to people because… what???
One of the underlying reasons that evolution appeals to us so many people is because it appeals to man’s pride.
8. What astonishing knowledge you have, Dr. Hovind!
I personally believe that Satan fell from heaven about a hundred years after the creation of Adam and Eve… He had been God’s choir director since he was created… In his pride, Satan decided he would exalt himself and take over the throne of God. This is where evolution started.
9. Please, do tell: What else can we blame the theory of evolution for?
Cain promoted the evolutionary doctrine that man can progress by his own efforts… When God rejected his [sacrifice], he became angry at God. Since he could not hurt God, he took out his anger on God’s servant, his brother… Cain’s efforts to “evolve” closer to God met with disaster.
10. Evolution can be blamed for Ham not covering his father’s nakedness, right?
The story of evolution continues in Gen. 9:22, “And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.”
11. Just how early was evolutionary theory developed, Kent?
When the people left the Tower of Babel, they took their false religion of evolution with them.
12. Do you even know anything about religion?
The god of Mohammedism is not the God of the Bible by any stretch of the imagination. It is a little pantheistic god of nature. Because of this, the Islam religion accepts evolution very readily as a scientific fact because it fits so well with their teaching. In the country of Turkey (which is almost totally dedicated to Mohammed) evolution is taught as fact.
13. What can you tell us about geology, wise sir?
The Colorado River did not form the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon was formed as the flood went down.
14. Where do I even begin?
…evolution is just another religion. There is no empirical evidence to back it up so it is certainly not part of science.
15. On this, we can agree
I must… take the blame/credit for what is written in this book.
(Actually, these are quotes from but the first half of Hovind’s dissertation.)